You blewit but ill be back in laekciew tonigthso calll mee
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
