Would you feel weird if I asked out ___?
You dont call on our son's bday but you want to know if I'll give you permission to date my best friend?
So...no?`
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
That's fuckin bs. I had the bouncers beat by 30 yards til that dumbshit on the moped stopped in front of me.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize
