He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Randomize
