Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm getting married
To pizza
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
Randomize
