a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Randomize
