So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
Mattress luging...It's a long story.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
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