I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
Randomize
