That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
you were mad bc i took longer then 2 minutes to finish
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If she's over 40, she won't believe you if you say " I'm only going to put the head in"
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Randomize
