We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
We had sex on a dog bed..
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
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