We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Randomize
