was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
Randomize
