after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I woke up in a place I've never been before, with people I've never met before using me as a table for domino's.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
Randomize
