Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Everclear isn't food dammit
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
