He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
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