ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
there is definitely a hickey on my left nipple.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Randomize
