Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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