is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
