Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I'd do that. But we would need storm trooper helmets.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
