i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I have his gate key so know he has to see me again.
I need a guy who can see in me what the lesbian community sees in me
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
and i thought it was paint or jizz but it was cheese
please tell me you didnt taste test that
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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