Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Randomize
