I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
