You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Relax
It's hard to relax when a woman is waxing your asshole.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
