none of my boyfriends are responding right now, I thought I had enough to avoid this problem
glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
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