Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
FOR A FUCKING 40?! A FUCKING 40?! YOU GAVE THE CAT AWAY FOR BEER?!
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
I took my shirt off and stood in the kitchen for an hour and a half talking to his parents about my tattoos
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Randomize
