I wish I could punch you in the face.
my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
TIL a potato cannon can be loaded with dildos as ammunition. Boy, do our neighbours love us!
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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