So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
Strip beer pong in the front yard? Of course the cops showed up
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
Randomize
