weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
The sorting hat of life was not kind to you.....
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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