My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
So I think my motto should be "losing bras and dignity every weekend" but like in a really amazing way
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
