Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Randomize
