you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
I woke up next to a box of cheese bread it was super romantic
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