i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
The bouncer said he wanted to but BBQ sauce on my legs. That Mystic tan has already paid for itself.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
