yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize