I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
Randomize
