Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I supernannyed him into submission
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
