We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
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