i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
