Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Randomize
