I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Day 1 of "Death of a Liver" weekend complete. It came with flashbacks of horrible mistakes I made due to alcohol. I'm excited for how Sunday is going to turn out.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
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