My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
You took a bar mat shot.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Can you rollerblade?
No, why?
Honestly, I was high and picturing us roller blading together. I wanted to see if I could make my dreams a reality.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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