If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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