That's your vagina. No one goes out and burns it
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
He keeps singing a song about someone called the dayman.
....fighter of the Nightman?
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
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