Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
How do I say "sorry I gave you and your sister herpes" in German?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
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