Please, let me fuck your mom
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
april was a good month for me, sexually...doubled my number, had a threesome, fucked a girl for the first time and two different boys in one night. there should be a medal
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