Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
He has me blocked on facebook.... so I stalked him using my cats fan page.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
