I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
Randomize
