I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
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