dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
I'm hoping they send me home from work drunk.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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