At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
