I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
