a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
her vagina looked like bernie madoff
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
She's barefoot and topless screaming "HERE KITTY-KITTY" at a stray cat in the ditch on the side of the highway. How do I get her back in the car?
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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