Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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