In the future we'll all be gay
so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
its sad im about to start saving up for how drunk i need to be for the holidays
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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