Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
