That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
You have no concept of how high I am, do you?
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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