Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Randomize
