Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
Randomize
