Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
time to smoke my breakfast
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
I was fingering her and they busted into my room demanding to know who the best running back was, before I could say anything she moaned and said "Barry Sanders"
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
