your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Randomize