it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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