just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
He just randomly started talking about Haiti and Conan O'Brien and his grandpa's hip replacement operation. It was the worst phone sex I've ever had.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
Cry into your wine glass and then drink the tears, it's like the fountain of youth
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
Randomize
