Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
My math professor just asked us to draw the graph of the derivative of our drunkenness from friday to sunday. Dear Jesus this looks bad.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
Randomize
