yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
I woke up and my pants were in the kitchen but my shoes were next to my bed. Do the math...
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
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