The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
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