is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
last night is slowly putting itself back together. Its one giant slutty puzzle, all the pieces are covered in tequila and shame.
Randomize
